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March 23rd, 2008
11:17 am - fiction
These are the sorts of things i when i stroll through my files.
6-1. Third shift. The Command Deck.
I had taken Ops for Ensign Wing while she was "getting some synthcoffee". Lt Cyberia, the Simulate, was on helm. Lt Commander Zhang had the Big Chair. She was in her "mostly-human" phase, thank finagle.
It was a quiet shift. We were cruising interspace to the Lesser nebulae on a milkrun, low-pri, supernominal. Even Universe Class Hypercruisers like the X.X. Inconcievable make milkruns sometimes, ours just cost more.
Zhang was reading the dailies. Cyberia was doing an old-Earth Crossword puzzle. He had a lot of strange affectations like that, but hey, give him a break, he was the smartest sentient in the Sextant, and just a short Looey on his sleeve for the trouble.
at 6-3 we had some trouble with uncondensers. One of the Spung was on Engineering, and handled it pretty quick. Honestly, they are nice folks, I guess, but I can never tell the Spung apart. Call me a vertebraniac, but they dont even have any differenetiated tissue, for finagle's sake.
by 6-5 i was wondering what had happened to Wing. Had she gone for a tryst one of her poddies again? That perv. I was stuck on station for the whole shift then. She'd pay for that.
At 6-6, Cyberia looked up. "Lt Commander Zhang, I have discovered a new form of sentient life."
Zhang snapped to attention. "Scanners! Comp! Lights up! Cyberia, where is it? What is it?" The Mainscreen was obviously blank.
"It is here sir. This very crossword puzzle."
"Dont be a sploosh-head," Zhang said. Zhang was known for her informality. "How can a crossword puzzle be sentient?"
"The interaction of these clues and answers, taken in totality with the previous three years of daily puzzles, in sequence, indicates to me that we have, since the dawn of crossword puzzles, been creating and training a 6th order algorithmoidal Zentity that.."
"Yes, yes, I get it," Zhang said. I thought I heard the Spung snickering, but if Zhang heard, she ignored it. "So, this puzzle-thing. Are they mad at us for, well, solving them all the time? are they going to attack or anything?"
"No sir. I think they wants to join the Uncommonwealth. It is possible that being solved is an integral part of their life-cycle. I speculate that we may soon have a crossword puzzle-based Ensign who..."
"Fine, that's fine. Log it. The Admiral will want to deal with it himself when he gets up."
"Very good sir. The Crossword puzzle Zentity may in fact desire to ally with us against the Anamoly, since..."
"Lt Cyberia?"
"Yes sir?"
"In the morning."
The Simulate appaeared to sigh a bit, and gave in. "As you say sir."
"And Cyberia, maybe you should put that puzzle away until then."
"Yes sir."
Zhang order the lights back down and settled into the Big Chair with buried her face in her hands, and the rest of the shift passed in total silence. It was going to be a long, long run to the Lesser Nebula.
I started to plan my revenge on Ensign Wing.
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Comments:
Yay X.X. Inconcievable!
I love a good revenge plan! And where was Ensign Wing?
Although if being solved is an integral part of crossword puzzles' life cycles, I think that some of those buggers must be suicidal. : ) |
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